I have been running through this post for several weeks (maybe months) in my mind, not knowing how appropriate, or more like how much this will be (mis)understood by clients and peers, but a discussion in Angela’s* class about critical thinking versus judgement, made me sure I most probably would (not) be understood (which gave me the push to write it down, maybe in self-defense, let’s see):

As Coaches/ Holistic Counselors…. we are taught “DO NOT JUDGE”, a lovely moto, allows our clients to feel safe, respected, accepted… true, but just like every other matter of the heart, judgment comes to you, it hits you, it catches you off-guard (Angela* says that if my focus was totally on the process, on the client, it won’t, but I happen to have transforming conversations, in moments where I least expect it, she also said that the main reason behind my Judging mind, is that I am judging myself… and well yes, this is a lovely realization that I made four years ago in MNSHS*, still I am a long way from “self realization” and I do not proclaim that I am anywhere close, although I can (and do) help people, as part of expressing my “life-purpose” or that what allows me  to experience the true human nature of being truly happy and fully alive….

So I “do” judge, the thought crosses my mind, and the more I resist it, the more I start to “judge my judging”, and if I keep going down that line, the moment is lost, for both me and the person I am working with…. (a small diversion here) I believe that one of the bravest acts one can undertake is to approach one-to-one personal development (in the form of Coaching/ Counselling…), its “brave” because most of us, find it hardest to talk in a session specifically for fear of being judged, as we are constantly and consistently judging ourselves (that’s what we do) and so its only natural to be faced with this judging the first time we open up about it, lots of “humility” which is another higher strength is needed to be truly honest in the sessions, which is why I believe that a holistic, developmental approach (where such traits are spotted and expanded) works so much better than therapy.

What I learned though, and it was from beautiful Munira* (it took sometime to sink in, thank you again Munira), is to stay with those judging thoughts, keep an eye on them, they are a layer both you and the client have to go through, into something larger, better, kinder, and with a wider perspective for both of you… and this is what I do, when the judge in me starts knocking its gavel, I take your hand, and use the questions that come up to take both of us beyond the apparent, and into reality, the place that Rumi describes as he says:

“Beyond the realms of right and wrong, there is a field, I will meet you there”, I will sometimes say, “I know its there, so let’s find the way back together” and with the Grace of God, we usually do.

ruba

*Note: I consistently seek mentors of my own, Angela Bird is the founder of The Center for Creative Evolution where I am currently working on creative ways to expand my Personal Strengths, and Munira Nusseibeh is the founder of the the only Spiritual Personal Development Training School in Amman (MNSHS) where I spent four years working on my own journey and learning to help others do the same.

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